Wise Up
by coriswriting
Summary: In the wake of the breakup, Rachel comes to a realization about the kind of person she wants to be.


Wise Up: A Finchel One-Shot

_**Song "Wise Up," by Aimee Mann**_

Valentine's Day. It was the end of reherseal, and the choir room was still ringing with cheers from Artie's serenade to Brittany, and Tina's ballad to Mike, and Quinn and Sam's romantic duet before that. It was all very sweet, really, Rachel thought to herself. Even though she ached dreadfully inside from the thought that there was no love song in Broadway history that could bring Finn back into her arms, she did not begrudge her teammates their happiness. _They deserved i_t, she thought, _not like me_.

The past few months since the act that shattered what was once Rachel Berry's existence had given her plenty of time for introspection. Every moment when her mind wasn't engaged with school work or glee assignments, the question pulsed in her brain like a heartbeat, stronger and louder until she screamed and cried. _Why did you do it? Why did you do it? Why did you do it? _For several weeks, she managed to justify herself in a fog of self-pity. _It's his fault. He lied to me. He _lied_ to me. He made me feel bad about myself. He looked at her. I saw the way he looked at her. He made me feel bad about myself. I only wanted him to see how I felt. _

As the weeks went on, the question only throbbed more painfully in her head. And she knew why. She knew she wasn't being honest with herself. Had it come to that? That she was so used to fooling everyone else that she couldn't be truthful with _herself?_ Yes, it had. But it was going to stop. She screamed it out when alone in her room one afternoon. _ I did it because I was jealous! I was jealous! I was jealous and I was angry and I hurt the one person, the one person, who ever loved me in spite of myself! _

When the screaming stopped, she felt as though a veil had been lifted from her eyes. She could finally clearly see the part of her that she had always made excuses for, the attitude she'd always justified by her desire to be a star. _I was jealous,_ she thought, _that's why I sent an innocent girl who could have helped our club to a freaking crackhouse. I was selfish, _she thought, _that's why I've insulted my teammates' talent and thrown fits over not getting solos. I was selfish, _she thought_, that's why I didn't see his pain, and thought a freaking stage full of artificial Christmas trees and a pine tree air freshener would make up for what I did. I was selfish, _she thought_,_ _and that's why I kissed Noah, because I only thought about making Finn jealous and didn't think about what kind of damage it would do to his heart._

She didn't want to be the person who did those things anymore. The person who let self-interest dictate her life until it destroyed her every relationship. Was this the cost of being a star? If so, she didn't want any part of it. She was better than that. She wanted to be a Rachel Berry that she could be proud of, whether Finn took her back or not.

And that's what was on Rachel Berry's mind on that Valentine's Day as she stood up in front of the choir room.

"Mr. Schue? Can I say something?" she asked.

"Yeah, go ahead, Rachel," he replied.

"Thanks," she said moving to the center of the room. "I just wanted to say that I—I know it's Valentine's Day, and I know that it's a day for celebrating love...I just—for me, it makes me think about the love I've lost, and the friendships I've missed out on...I've had a lot of time to think over the last few months, and I've forced myself to be honest about the person I've been and the person I want to be," she said nervously.

She glanced up quickly at the faces in the room that were all focused on her as she prepared to pour her heart out. She drew a deep breath and continued,

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry to everyone in this room. I am sorry that I have scared talented people from joining our group because of my jealousy. I'm sorry for the times that I have criticized other people's talent and threw tantrums over not getting solos because I was being selfish. I'm sorry for all of the times I have acted like a diva instead of a good teammate. I let my selfishness distance me from all of you, and it cost me your friendship. And I let my selfishness and my jealousy ruin my life. I lost Finn, my one true thing in this world. It took losing the one person who saw past my flaws and found a way to love me to realize that I need to change. I love you, Finn, and I am especially sorry to you. This song is for all of you, as a promise that I will try harder to be a friend, and I am going to be better, not as a singer, or a performer, but as a person that I can be proud of."

She gave a tearful smile as she looked up into the faces of her teammates, who returned the expression, some of them with tears of their own. She couldn't bring herself to fully make eye contact with Finn, but if she had, she would have seen the look of love she had been longing for all these months. The piano chords began their slow cadence, as she began to sing,

"It's not what you thought

When you first began it

You got what you want

Now you can hardly stand it though

by now you know

it's not going to stop

it's not going to stop

it's not going to stop

'til you wise up."

"You're sure

There's a cure

And you have finally found it

You think

One drink

Shrink you 'til

Your underground and living down

But it's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

'Til you wise up."

Clearly moved, Mercedes and Tina rose from their seats and walked over to Rachel, putting their arms around her shoulders and singing along,

"Prepare for a list for what you need

Before you sign away the deed

Cause it's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

It's not going to stop

'Til you wise up"

Quinn, Brittany, and Santana walked over, forming a group hug around Rachel, who was now singing through her tears. Artie, Mike, Puck, and Sam joined in and soon the whole group was singing along, surrounding Rachel with their voices and arms. Mr. Schue looked on with pride.

"No it's not going to stop

'Til you wise up

no it's not going to stop,

so just

give up."

Rachel stood sobbing in the midst of the group.

"Thank you, guys," she weeped, "I've never felt so much love before!"

"It meant a lot, what you said, Rachel," said Quinn, "we haven't exactly been fair to you either, and that's going to change too." The group echoed their agreement, but suddenly went silent as they realized Finn was walking toward them. One by one, the group members slowly backed away until it was just him standing face to face with Rachel.

"Um, we'll let you guys talk," said Mercedes, nudging the other group members.

"Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day, guys! Don't forget your song suggestions for Regionals!" Mr. Schue reminded the group as they shuffled toward the door.

For a good thirty seconds, they just looked at each other. Rachel just stared, her expression a mix of fear and pure adoration. She looked away, having no idea what he was about to say.

He said nothing. He wrapped her in his arms and let her rest her head upon his chest. He let her cry softly into his sweater, and rubbed her back as her shoulders trembled. He leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead. He took her delicate face in his hands, wiping her tears with his clumsy fingers. At last, he spoke.

"I want you to know that I'm really proud of you, Rach. And I want you to know, I'm getting there." Placing one more kiss sweetly on her forehead and brushing her hair away from her face, he turned and left the room.

Rachel breathed for what seemed like the first time since their eyes first met a few minutes ago. She was proud of herself, too. She had always been the girl who wanted things too much, but for the first time in her life, she was beginning to understand that the most is gained from finally letting go.


End file.
